Never Again
by Project324B21
Summary: What if Arizona was the one to show up at Amelia's instead of Owen? Arizona/Amelia


_This is my first Grey's Anatomy story. Please be nice and tell me your thoughts._

* * *

No one had seen or heard from Amelia since she yelled at Richard in front of the whole hospital. In a way, everyone was waiting for it to happen. No one had seen Amelia cry or grieve at all since Derek died. Amelia walked around the hospital smiling and making jokes about her dead brother. She spent every day and night at the hospital loading herself up with surgeries and lectures. People were coming from all over to hear her speak after she opperated on Dr. Herman. She was brilliant, vibrant, and funny. Amelia hadnt left the hospital much since Derek died, but now, she was nowhere to be found. That fact worried Arizona.

Many people didn't know how close Arizona and Amelia had gotten while preparing for Herman's surgery. They spent a lot of time together in Amelia's office studying the scans and different approches that Amelia could take. When they would take a break they often went out for coffee, sitting and talking for longer than they meant to. They found each other so interesting, and after a while they began flirting and making suggestive jokes. Then Derek died and they didnt talk, go out for coffee, or do anything. All communication was lost except for a few smiles when they passed each other in the busy halls of the hospital.

After many failed phone calls, Arizona decided to go the house that Derek built, and see if Amelia was there. Arizona said goodbye to her co-workers and headed out of the hospital, not bothering to change out of her scrubs. The long drive to the house in the woods made Arizona anxious. She couldnt shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong with Amelia, and she wasnt going to be able to help her. Speeding up her driving, Arizona finally arrived at the house. Pulling up the long driveway, she sighs when she sees all the lights off in the house. _I'm already here, I might as well ring the door bell._ Walking up to the house, Arizona is relieved to see Amelia's small figure on the front porch. Arizona watches for a few moments as Amelia paces back and forth, failing to notice her company. Arizona clears her throat softly to get Amelia's attention.

"Hey." Arizona says softly. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Nobody has seen you." Amelia is shaking slightly, her face pale, eyes scared.

"Every man I've ever loved, has died." Amelia states. "Including my baby. Thank you universe!" Amelia points up at the sky barely holding in tears. "So, I should be, like...greek tragedy, turned to stone, bat-crap crazy, but I'm good. I got this. I am fine." She chuckles lightly. "I'm telling you, I'm amazing. I am saving lives left and right. I am putting butts in the seats of that O.R. gallery. I mean, people are fighting to hear me lecture. I am entertaining-joke, joke, joke! I'm funny! I'm fun! I'm a party! I'm doing...I'm great." Her voice cracks. "I'm handling the dead Derek thing really well." She says chuckling.

"Okay." Arizona states knowing there is more coming and feeling slightly off put.

"Except today, I yelled at Richard...who was only trying to invite me for coffee, and then I went and scored oxy from this junkie doctor." Amelia confesses.

"But you havent taken any?" Arizona asks hopefully, stepping slightly closer to where Amelia stands.

"Not yet," Amelia sighs. "but I might." She smirks. "That's the thing. I really actually might." A nod this time. "I have been sober for 1,321 days, Arizona. I was fine. It was managed." She takes a deep breath. "But I might."

"All this stuff you're managing..." Arizona trails off. "You're not supposed to be managing it. You're supposed to be feeling it, grief, loss, pain. It is normal."

"It's not normal!" Amelia snaps turning to walk away from Arizona.

"It is. It is normal." Arizona follows her. "It's not normal to you because you've never done it. Instead of feeling it, feeling the grief and the pain, you've shoved it all down and you do drugs instead. Instead of moving through the pain, you run from it." Arizona sits down and sighs. "Instead of dealing with being hurt and alone and afraid that this horrible, empty feeling is all there is, I ran from it." She tells Amelia. "When I lost my leg. I ran away from all the pain and emptiness. I lashed out at people, pushed them away, I ruined my marriage for Gods sake!" Arizona exclaims. "We do these things. We run away and we medicate. We do whatever it takes to cover it up and dull the sensation, but its not normal! We're supposed to feel. We're supposed to, love, and hate, and hurt, and grieve, and break, and be destoryed and, rebuild ourselves to be destroyed again. That is human. That is humanity. That's...that's being alive. That's the point. That's the entire point. Dont...dont avoid it. Dont extinguish it." Arizona finishes. Amelia stares at her, her chin quivering, tears welling in her eyes.

"Derek died." Amelia chokes out. "He died. I dont want to feel it!" She starts panicking. "I dont think I can. I dont even think I want to..." She puts her hands in her hair. "I can't. I can't." She reaches in her pocket and pulls out the bag of oxy. "I can't do this. I can't."

"You have to." Arizona states trying to calm her. "If you dont-"

"No, I can't! Shhh, I can't do this!" Amelia cuts her off.

"You have to. If you dont, that bag of oxy's not gonna be your last." Arizona tells her firmly. Amelia looks down at the bag in her hand, twirling it inbetween her fingers, comtemplating. She stares at it for a long time before sniffling and shakily stretching it towards Arizona. Arizona reaches out and grabs it, waiting for Amelia to let go of it. As soon as she lets it go, Amelia lets out a sob that sounds more like she's gasping for breath. Amelia falls to her knees, hunched over, sobbing into the ground. Arizona gets of the ground the best she can with her prosthetic leg, gathering Amelia into her arms and holding on tightly. "You're gonna be okay. You're going to survive this, okay?" Another heart wrenching cry is all Arizona hears. "Everybody does. It's perfectly normal. It's boring, even." Arizona tries not to let out a few tears herself. "So normal." She whispers and kisses the side of Amelia's head. Her cries now settleing down to whimpers.

Soon Amelia calms down and is a dead weight on Arizona. "Will you stay with me tonight?" Amelia asks, her voice horse from all the crying.

"Of course." Arizona answers stroking Amelia's hair. "Do you want to go to bed?" Arizona asks. Feeling Amelia nod against her she stands up with Amelia and walks inside. "You go on to bed, I'm going to bring you some water." Arizona orders watching Amelia walk off. Arizona goes to get a glass and looks around the house while filling it. It looks so untouched. Arizona guesses it is since Meredith has been gone for months and Amelia has been at the hospital all the time. Arizona shakes her head and walks to Amelia's room, seeing her curled up in fetal position on the bed. "Here's your water." Amelia grabs the glass with shaking hands and takes a few gulps.

"Thank you. You can sleep in Meredith's room or the couch. Either one is fine." Amelia tells her. Arizona nods and tells her goodnight, walking out to the living room, choosing the couch to sleep on. Sleeping in a dead mans bed does not appeal to her. She pulls up the pant leg of her scrub pants and takes her prosthetic leg off, propping it up on the coffee table. She grabs the blanket draped across the back of the sofa and falls asleep rather quickly after her hectic day.

Arizona wakes up to the feeling of someone touching her leg. She slowly opens her eyes to see Amelia's hand in the pocket of her scrub pants that she slept in. She looks confused for a moment before she remembers what she stuck in that very pocket. Amelia stands upright with the bag of pills in her hand and looks shocked to see Arizona staring back at her. "Amelia..." Arizona sighs. "I thought we talked about this."

"I cant do this Arizona. I cant sleep, I can't stop reliving memories of him, I can't do anything but lay there and cry. I need to feel numb. I need this." Amelia cries, her whole body shaking.

"Amelia, give me the pills. Please." Arizona puts on her stern voice even though inside she is scared as hell.

"No. Arizona, I'm sorry." Amelia says. Before Arizona realizes whats happening, Amelia is running to the bathroom, with Arizona's prosthetic leg in hand. Before Arizona can get up, the bathroom door is shut and locked. _Did she really just steal my leg?_ Arizona shakes her head and stands up, trying to balance on one foot. It takes a while but she manages to make her way to the bathroom door by grabbing onto near by things for support.

"Amelia." Arizona bangs on the door. "Don't do this, come on, open the door." Arizona sighs when she hears Amelia banging something on the sink. _Probably crushing the pills,_ Arizona thinks. "Amelia, You are throwing away 1,321 days of progress. You do not want to start over again. Come on just open the-"

"Shut up! Just shut up Arizona. I dont want to hear it! Just leave." Amelia cries. Arizona sighs and leans her head on the bathroom door, wishing she was on the other side.

"Amelia, Derek wouldnt want you to do this." Arizona tries to reason. A few seconds after she says it, she hear Amelia snort a few times, then sniffle to clear her nose. "Amelia." Arizona sighs. The bathroom door unlocks and opens at that moment.

"Sorry you couldnt save me this time." Amelia says with no emotion in her voice walking past Arizona.

* * *

 _Should I continue?_


End file.
